Self Reflection

I have recently discovered that I have radically changed in the last two to three years.  The change has been gradual but its full effects are staggering.  It took a new environment for me  to see the changes for myself.  In the past I valued my individualism more than I do now.  I saw myself as the hero in a Louis L’amour Western needing no one other than myself.  Little did I realize how much I depended on the people around me.  I have become much more friendly of late.  I value people more.  In the past people annoyed me and even though I sometimes wanted to connect with them I did not understand how.  Last year was when the major change started happening.  I became a part of a group of misfits.  Almost everyone in our group had been looking to be part of a group but wasn't.  When we all ended up finding each other it turned into an almost magical experience.  With grand adventures and deep thoughts.  This group taught me the value of friendships on a much grander scale then I had experienced before.

When you love someone you have to let yourself get out of the way so you can get along.  That is what my relationship with my sister has taught me.  A simple principal that is so difficult to execute many times.  There is no one on earth that I love more than my sister.  A few people tie for first place and she is one of them.  I have always loved her but for many years I felt the need to be superior to her.  I finally have realized that the reason I felt this way is because I felt threatened by her.  Other times I just wanted my own way.  Through our ups and down we came out on top.  This summer on my way to college I do not think we got into a single fight.  Now that I am away I miss her all the time.  

Her cheer, humor, whit, and care.

Its funny because I think about writing all the time but I so seldom take the time.  It is a huge effort for me to put thoughts and feelings into written word.  I have so much that I would like to share but my ability is limited.  When I do take the time to sit down and write I seldom fulfil my purpose.  I was supposed to pen my finishing remarks about Hope and then start writing about Wes Anderson.  Instead I got all caught up in thinking about my life.