So I wrote the a post back in May and titled it Pt. 1 and said it was “to be continued”. I have no idea why I did. Did I really think that I would come to some conclusion later or that it needed to be part of a series? Anyway, I left it open ended, so I feel I should bring the subject to a state of closure. This is in part because I have gained some new perspective in the area of communicating with people. The other reason is I hate leaving things unfinished.
As I reread my initial post several things stood out to me. One, why was I so hung up on getting people's opinions about things? Two, why didn't I formulate a plan to try and change the results I had been getting? Three, why did I not realize that the problem I was experiencing was a direct result from my poor listening skills?
When it comes to getting people's opinions I suppose that I am just interested in what people have to say. Sadly I think that, especially at the time of writing that post, I liked asking people questions, not so much because I wanted to know what they thought but because I could use my questions as a platform to introduce what I thought in order to showcase my knowledge to other people so I would look smart. I have a lot of pride in my knowledge and I used it to try and gain people's respect and attention. This method was not a conscious effort. I really did believe that I cared about other people and their opinions, when in fact, I had subconsciously learned a way to puff myself up and show off what I knew to others in an attempt to gain their affection.
To address my second question, I do not think I believed that I could be the major or main cause of the problem. I saw people’s lack of response as their problem and blamed it on what I thought to be passivity within my generation for talking about important issues. In reality, I can now see that I was/am a major part of the problem and that it comes from being a selfish conversationalist and a sub-par listener.
When I said I had a tendency to cut people off, I did not take that thought to its full conclusion by saying that I was a poor listener. I came to this realization about my poor listening skills several weeks while talking to a friend of mine, who is an excellent listener. We had been talking on the phone for about an hour. I had been motoring along talking at a fair clip for the majority of the time, when I asked her if I was a good listener. I knew she would be honest with me and I thought she would say I was alright but had some room to improve. Instead she said “no you’re not all that great of a listener.” This shocked me a little bit. But the more I thought about it I realized that she was right; I am not that good of a listener. When I talk to people I often find myself waiting for them to be done talking so I can say what I want to say. Not really paying attention to what they are saying.
I now realize that I am not a good listener, and I often times use my questions and apparent interest in what people think as a stage to show off my own knowledge and opinions. But what am I going to do about it? That is the all important question. I only see one option Two ears, one mouth; listen more, talk less. I am a talker. It’s in my nature and that will never completely change, but that does not give me the right to talk over other people. I need to respect other people’s opinions as much as I do my own. I know it will not be easy but I don’t want to be a bad listener. I want people to know that I care about them and what they have to say. So all I can do is work on improving and keep walking slowly but never backward.
The end.
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