One year: A Reflection

I started writing this blog while riding the train home in May of this year.  8 months later I have picked it back up and am finishing it. At the time I thought I was going to write a month by month recap of my life.  I now realize that that would be boring, rather presumptuous, and self centered to think that people care enough about my life to read what had happened to me every month.  So i include the only month that I wrote November of last year.  From there who knows what will happen.

November

The month I finally got settled into life at HIU, and it felt like home.  I wrote my initial thoughts about it my post HIU Life.  I wrote more blog posts that month than any previous, or since. I met a girl who was interesting.  She asked me to Sadie Hawkins.  I told her no, not because of her, but because I dislike events with lots of people and am a cheapskate.  I told her we could go do something else some other time if she wanted to.  Surprisingly she took up my offer and we made plans to go see a movie, but I got the release date mixed up, so we ended up going for a walk instead.  I stayed home during Thanksgiving break to save a few bucks, but I paid for it in loneliness.  I missed my family; I had always spent Thanksgiving with them.  That girl invited me to go to her aunt’s house for Thanksgiving, I had nothing better to do, so I said yes.

Is It Just Me? Pt. 2

So I wrote the a post back in May and titled it Pt. 1 and said it was “to be continued”. I have no idea why I did. Did I really think that I would come to some conclusion later or that it needed to be part of a series? Anyway, I left it open ended, so I feel I should bring the subject to a state of closure. This is in part because I have gained some new perspective in the area of communicating with people. The other reason is I hate leaving things unfinished.

As I reread my initial post several things stood out to me. One, why was I so hung up on getting people's opinions about things? Two, why didn't I formulate a plan to try and change the results I had been getting? Three, why did I not realize that the problem I was experiencing was a direct result from my poor listening skills?

When it comes to getting people's opinions I suppose that I am just interested in what people have to say. Sadly I think that, especially at the time of writing that post, I liked asking people questions, not so much because I wanted to know what they thought but because I could use my questions as a platform to introduce what I thought in order to showcase my knowledge to other people so I would look smart. I have a lot of pride in my knowledge and I used it to try and gain people's respect and attention. This method was not a conscious effort. I really did believe that I cared about other people and their opinions, when in fact, I had subconsciously learned a way to puff myself up and show off what I knew to others in an attempt to gain their affection.

To address my second question, I do not think I believed that I could be the major or main cause of the problem. I saw people’s lack of response as their problem and blamed it on what I thought to be passivity within my generation for talking about important issues. In reality, I can now see that I was/am a major part of the problem and that it comes from being a selfish conversationalist and a sub-par listener.

John Simpson

"History is a well told story"
                              -John Simpson

History, do you like it, hate it? John Simpson doesn't care. The only thing that matters in his class is that you show up, use "that three pounds of gray matter" and learn something.  If you are willing to give him those things, then he promises to make history relevant to your life.  

That line "History is a well told story" is how Mr. Simpson starts off the first day of the new quarter in every history class he teaches.  John Simpson will forever be a part of the story that makes up the history of my life.

Self Reflection

I have recently discovered that I have radically changed in the last two to three years.  The change has been gradual but its full effects are staggering.  It took a new environment for me  to see the changes for myself.  In the past I valued my individualism more than I do now.  I saw myself as the hero in a Louis L’amour Western needing no one other than myself.  Little did I realize how much I depended on the people around me.  I have become much more friendly of late.  I value people more.  In the past people annoyed me and even though I sometimes wanted to connect with them I did not understand how.  Last year was when the major change started happening.  I became a part of a group of misfits.  Almost everyone in our group had been looking to be part of a group but wasn't.  When we all ended up finding each other it turned into an almost magical experience.  With grand adventures and deep thoughts.  This group taught me the value of friendships on a much grander scale then I had experienced before.

HIU Life

My thoughts about Hope International University. One, you get what you pay for and by that I mean it in the most positive way possible. While it is expensive as heck to go here, the people are amazing, and they care about you. A prime example is my Critical Thinking professor who has three degrees, one of which is from Johns Hopkins university. He lets us call him by his first name because in his words “we are all in this learning experience together”, he also said “come talk to me I want to get to know you and be the one to write your letter of recommendation for grad school” what a cool guy.

There are a ton of girls here at Hope. I did not realize until I came here that their are about 3 girls to every guy on campus. Luckily I have many female friends already who have more then adequately prepared me for how to be friends with girls. I would like to thank all of my female friends who put up with me. I am not sure why you do but you have taught me many lessons in how to be a good friend. Thank you for being gracious with me, I realize that I can be rather obtuse and inconsiderate sometimes.

Expanding the parameters and Expounding on my life.

I have made three posts in seven months; that's just lame.  Here’s the reason why. Every time I would start to writing, I would freeze up.  My mind would stop and all I could think about was if my writing was thought provoking and insightful enough.  So, in order to remedy this pervasive writers block that has been stifling my creativity, I am going to expand the parameters of my blog.  No longer worry about if my thoughts are insightful or not; from now on, I will write what is on my heart.  This means I will be writing about things that are going on in my life.  At the same time, I pledge not to turning this blog in to a sad sap journal about my life because that would be lame.

To begin this new era in the short lived history of this blog, I will start by sharing with various thoughts and experiences from my summer.

Is It Just Me? Pt. 1

One night after bible study I came to the realization that I have an opinion on almost every subject imaginable.  I analyze everything around me to perhaps an unhealthy degree.  Then I share my opinions with everyone around me and ask them what they think.  Then I sit back, ready to hear a view different from mine and gain more perspective on the subject.   I eagerly await to hear what other people think and what has lead them to their conclusion.  That's when I usually get some half-hearted reply or  "I don't know." This drives me crazy and I am not sure why. I often feel like I am telling everyone what I think and they listen quietly nodding their heads in agreement.  Why does it seem like people don't have opinions? or do they just not want to share them with me?  

I know that the problem is partially my fault.  I have a tendency to analyze and form opinions about everything in life and I have come to learn that not everyone is like that.  I question whether my opinions come across too strong and people are afraid to respond or they do not want to offend me with their differing views.  Am I expecting too much by wanting people to share their thoughts on various subject matter?

Pondering these questions has given me no clear solution and my attempts to ask my friends why they do not share their opinions has not yielded much success. My current conclusion is that this issue; individuals not having opinions or declining to share them with me is my own problem.  Where this need to hear other people's opinions comes from I don't know.  Is it unique to me does anyone else have trouble getting others to share their opinions with them? How should I know?

I seem to be the guy who is asked questions all the time because people know they will get my opinion.  They ask and take my opinion but will not share their own.  Good conversation is about the give and take of ideas and feelings.  If it becomes one sided then the mutual exchange has broken down and only one person is benefiting from the conversation.  This is not fair to either party because one person feels like they are always preaching their own ideas to other people and they never know what people think about them.


I suppose this whole issue that I have is not really that big of a deal and that I should just learn to listen to people more and maybe I will start to hear their opinions come out.  I know that I have a problem with dominating conversations and cutting people off.  I enjoy being the center of attention and I try to use my quick wit to make people laugh.  I can get a bit carried away and caught up in trying to be in the spotlight.  I do it mostly because I love to have fun and if I can help others to laugh and have a good time than I will.


This is not the end of my examination/quest to draw out other people's opinions and study conversation dynamics in my relationships.  I have no answers only questions and observances.
                                                                             To be continued. . .